Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
