and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
