I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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