THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
