ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
