Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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