We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
