i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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