Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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