roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
