okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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