Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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