His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
