I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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