yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
