when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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