I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
