It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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