Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
