So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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