eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize