I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
