if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
