can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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