Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize