You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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