So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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