you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
