I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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