Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
barbara walters just said penis...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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