we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
We got so high we made milksteak
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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