I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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