11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Floor bacon is actually really good
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
