Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
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I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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