i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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