new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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