I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
