For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
