At least make sure they are 18
Why
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
