he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
