made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
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I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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