margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
