If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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