I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
