Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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