took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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