He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
