Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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