come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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