You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
