i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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