i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
