my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
