I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
