You really coming over, don't trick.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
