What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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