3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
