So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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