Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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