Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
