fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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