why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
