Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
