wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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