mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
