i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Can I color on your dick again?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
