so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
