During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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