So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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