She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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