So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
