And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
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I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
This baby is an asshole
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
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I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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