I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
