she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
