At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
