I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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