Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Me too!
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
