i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
