Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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