I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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