im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
