she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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