Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
People with herpes should wear stickers.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
