It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
