Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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