why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
