Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
