Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
