he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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