This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
