If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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